Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm passing your future prison.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
