Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
