i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
