I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
