Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
