I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize