Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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