party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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