Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
