its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize