So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
