She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
