I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
