Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
