i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
