I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
