I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
