There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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