I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
