we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
