why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
