I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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