I was born with a shot glass in my hand
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
