Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
