have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
