i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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