I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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