You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
