I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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