i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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