we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
