there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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