Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
