ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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