I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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