I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Boobs speak an international language.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
