Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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