I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
