I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
