Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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