I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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