i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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