I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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