i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
