so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
