I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
