I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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