two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
