I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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