I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
