I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
