this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
