where am i from again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
