good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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