I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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