I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
