What did we do last night that was yellow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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