My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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