Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
