Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
