He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
