The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
