I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
