you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
