cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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