Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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