Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
