She went from zero to smokin in five shots
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
