i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
