i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
