she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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