I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
