Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
