Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
