I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
