apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
