why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
