We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
