Don't you send me to vm
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
